Cultivating Gratitude
As your child grows you may find that they are understanding thankfulness and appreciation a little bit more. They may be able to express their feelings better to answer the question, "What are you grateful for today?" They may ask to do things for other people and notice how that feels for them. Everyday practices or seasonal practices are always worth your time (no matter how small) and contribute to better overall mental health for everyone.
Here are some seasonal activities to consider:
Gratitude Trees (there are so many ways to make a tree - we once made a giant paper tree on the wall so he could reach up and place his leaves onto the branches)
Gratitude Jars - Kids can decorate a jar and then either place pictures of things they're grateful for or you can write them on a piece of colorful paper
Gratitude Banners, Flags, Wreathes - the list goes on and on! Use what you have on hand and enjoy the process!
Stories about gratitude and thankfulness:
Considering narratives for Thanksgiving: We have talked a little bit about tuning into your family values and the historical narratives you'd like to share with your children to honor Thanksgiving. You can always shift the narrative to what feels most accurate or true to you by sharing stories, talking with them and asking questions.
November is Native American Heritage Month and a very timely opportunity to share indigenous stories. Obviously, it's important to share what's developmentally appropriate but you'll also see resources for later:
I recommend starting here at this Indigenous owned online store with a carefully curated selection of books for all ages (there are also books available at the library or through Link+) https://birchbarkbooks.com/collections/children There are so many wonderful stories on their site, some that I can spotlight for you:
Keepunumuk: Weeâchumun's Thanksgiving Story (as my top choice)
1621 A New Look at Thanksgiving (for bigger kids and adults)
We Are Grateful
Giving Thanks
Fry Bread
We Are Still Here
Strong Nations is another indigenous owned bookstore with kids' books
You can find lists of books that are not recommended by historians if you're looking to scan your library. There will be many opportunities for conversations and experiences with your children year around and for many years ahead.
I'm always happy to add more resources to our list as so many wonderful books are published each year! We'd also love to see your gratitude expressions either in our calls or in the chat groups. It's so incredibly sweet to watch them grow.
Additional support for the conversations on 'manners' and integrating with family and adult expectations:
CULTIVATING EMPATHY: Forcing apologies doesn't do much more than put the adults at ease and it can give an easy 'out' to a child who has learned that if they say sorry they can essentially be released from any of the real work of having authentic empathy, repairing the relationship or changing their behavior. Empathy can take a long time for a child to embrace. Trust that they're trying their best to communicate a need or respond to a situation where they experienced some strong emotions and were unable to control their impulse. Apologies are best modeled and caring for all parties involved with unconditional support and curiosity is essential.
Here are some articles around apologies:
MANNERS: Asking children to say please and thank you and apologize (or forcing hugs, ets) without helping them understand what lies beneath the language can unintentionally ask children to override consent, mistrust their own emotions, normalize lying, and it doesn't teach authenticity and compassion/kindness/gratitude.
Here are a few articles if you'd like to read further about manners:
More about consent but some folks expect hugs as being polite: https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/advice/reluctant-hugs-why-you-shouldnt-force-kids-to-show-physical/
It can be interesting to dive deeper into the different expressions and practices among a variety of cultures and in different languages about gratitude and care. Did you know some people don't have a word for 'please', it's inherent in their care for one another. There are many wonderful articles exploring this topic.
And one final note on remembering that little kids don't know about our social norms and they may touch other people, point, hug or scream in quiet places. These are all invitations for learning. Help them to lead with consent when it comes to other people's bodies "Let's ask our friend if it's ok to touch their shoes" and tune in to how to connect with each other. It can sometimes be helpful to say "She's still learning about consent."