Potty Learning

Potty learning is a journey. Kids go through multiple windows where they become interested beginning around 13 months at the earliest and extending all the way until year 3 or 4. Saturating their world with pottying can be a good place to start: books, songs, media if you use it, and talking loads about potty. Put the potties all around so they have easy access. Bring the potty on the go so you have it anywhere. Any kind of potty is fine - to start with they tend to like the smaller ones but as they grow you may move into the type that fits onto the toilet.

Learning is happening everyday as they feel sensations in their own body and may begin to point them out to you or they may be curious about animals or other humans eliminating. Help them stay curious by listening and asking questions. They may want to explore their bodies further and that is clearly very important - be careful not to invite in any shame or negative connotations with genitals. It’s normal and healthy to explore. You may need to put up a boundary around playing with pee or poop. 

They may not be interested in sitting since after all they’ve gotten used to going anywhere and in all sorts of positions. They may want to stand or move around while they poop or maybe they’d like to squat which is actually a really great position for pooping. Think of ways you may support them to continue to be in positions they prefer and in time they may shift to sitting. Also keep in mind they’ve always had a diaper to catch poop - it’s a little scary for some toddlers when that diaper goes away. They may ask for a diaper just to poop. It takes time to build their confidence and that’s where the books and conversations can help you guide them to realize it’s okay for poop to drop. My son used to get fully naked to poop because he was worried it would get on his clothes - he did this for years until finally one day he decided it was not actually very likely to happen. All on his own and our job was to make that a safe option which can get tricky in public places. Honestly, we had a potty in the back of the car for pooping for as long as he could fit back there comfortably ; ) 

Use intrinsic motivation by allowing them to feel and express their own success and allow them to make the choices around their progress like which underwear they'd like to wear. Which means bribery and rewards may not be your best bet. With bribery comes shame when we really want to have that reward but we cannot physically achieve the milestone. Shame is never helpful, certainly not around pottying. So save the stickers for art time and save the treats for meal time. Celebrating is certainly all good but ideally let your child lead. Some children aren't so sure about pottying right away and may need to slowly build their confidence. 

Switch out of diapers to a cloth alternative so they can feel it when they're wet. Training pants they can pull up or a cloth diaper are usually helpful. When diaper changing gets difficult, change it up: leave the changing table behind if they struggle to lay down and try stand up changes or pull up type diapers if they're big enough. Ask for their help: let them hold the wipes or the balm (so long as that doesn't create further struggle), ask them to pick the diaper out or ask them to choose where they'd like to change their diaper (only giving 2 choices). Most importantly, let them know it's time to take care of their body. It's an important aspect of caregiving and you are there to help them. As they get older, keep in mind that they are seeking some control and independence so finding ways for them to feel empowered will help many of the potential parenting struggles you may be experiencing.

Once your child is capable of going diaper free, be sure to take the diaper off at night also to send a consistent message to the body. Some children really are not able to hold it all night so some may still need support overnight but ideally it all happens at the same time. Trust your child and follow their lead. 

Books to consider:

 Eric Litwin's new book The Poop Song - check that out! You can also find a video for all of his books and how to sing the songs

Everybody Poops is an oldie but goodie and of course there are many books for kids to gain confidence

Potty by Leslie Patricelli

Time to Pee!! by Mo Willems

(there are many, many books!!)

It's not training as much as it is learning. It's a journey. This article shares most of what I shared plus more: https://www.ahaparenting.com/ages-stages/toddlers/easy-toilet-potty-training