Supporting School Transitions

Notes from our Guest Speaker, Kristi Keefe, an incredible wise, intuitive and experienced teacher:

As caregivers and parents, we want our child to experience smooth and painless transitions, if possible. Not only for the sake of our child, but likely for our own sake as well. And for parents who have a particularly sensitive little one, this can feel especially daunting - as their stress and dysregulation can often trigger our own dysregulation.

For these reasons I encourage parents and caregivers to consider and attune to their own emotional regulation, as they possess the largest nervous systems in the room and thus have a profound impact on their child’s nervous system.

So any kind of daily resourcing that you can do for yourself will be massively impactful for you and your child. If you know that you’re feeling anxious about an upcoming transition, maybe find ways to address the tension you hold in your body. Talk with a close friend or therapist, hot baths, time in nature, acupuncture, massage, movement/exercise, rest, downtime, or whatever works to calm your nervous system. Taking better care of yourself will always translate ten fold to the well-being of your child.

Besides that piece, there are some practical tips that I’ve collected over the years:

1) Make room for more connection before, during, and after the transition. This can be as

simple as offering your undivided attention during shared meals. Or 10 minutes of

playing on the floor with them before bedtime. Any way to pad transitions with focused

one-on-one time does wonders for a young child who can see/hear/and feel the signs of an upcoming transition.

2) Avoid announcing an impending transition until 3-5 days beforehand, for children under 5yrs old. It’s hard to stop ourselves, but offering this information weeks in advance to a child without a sense of time can create confusion, fear, apprehension, and anxiety when the days roll by but the THING isn’t happening yet.

3) Visiting or driving by school a few days before school begins can be helpful. Following

up these visits/drive-by’s with some special time together at the park can be a nice way

of making space for any thoughts/feelings to bubble up and be talked about - and

snuggled about (physical touch is a powerful method of co-regulation)

4) If you can avoid going on a trip right before a transition - do! It’s much easier to manage

the ups and downs of a transition when a child (and parents) are feeling in the flow of

their predictable, home-based rhythm.

AFTER SCHOOL STARTS - or after the event

1) Have fave snacks, beverages, and a beloved toy/stuffy in the car with you at pick up.

2) Play calm music in the car, or no music at all. I like to play the harp music of Mary

Lattimore’s album: Hundreds of Days for the children during transitions.

3) The key is to reduce the sensory input as they have likely been overwhelmed at various times at school - even if they had a fun or “good” day.

4) If you can avoid errands after school - do! I would eat a pantry or frozen meal before I

would take my preschooler to the grocery store after school for the first couple of weeks.

5) Instead of firing off questions about your child’s day at pick-up, it can be soothing for

them to hear words like “I missed you. I’m so glad we get to cuddle again. I have your

favorite snacks and toys in the car waiting for you.”

6) If your child suddenly regresses in an area (asks to sleep with parents, cries at bedtime, wets the bed, acts out in aggression, etc...) remember that this is normal. Your child is holding a host of new experiences in their mind/body - most of which you may never know or understand fully. Holding consistent boundaries can help your child feel safe enough to let those feelings go - ie cry it out, meltdown, tantrum. Stay close and remind them that you can’t let them hit their sister, but you can stay with them while they cry and let their hard feelings go. You are ready for snuggles when they are.

Beginning school routines and rhythms bring a host of new behaviors and expressions. There are many local providers who can share additional tips or provide support if you feel your child is needing extra care. Reach out anytime for referrals!